Self-image and self-confidence play a major role in an individual's success. Increased self-esteem of a person often becomes the main factor in achieving goals and self-realization. In order to answer the question “how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence”, it is necessary to understand this concept in detail, understand how it is formed, what factors can affect the process, which can cause a low assessment of strength and consider the main ways to increase self-esteem.
The concept of "self-esteem" refers to the perception of one's uniqueness and significance, as well as the ability to evaluate both advantages and disadvantages. A healthy self-assessment allows you to avoid possible mistakes, is the basis for further improvement and development. Self-assessment has three most important functions:
- protective - promotes stability and independence from the environment;
- regulatory - allows you to make a personal choice;
- developing - provides the desire for development.
The ideal option is when the individual independently forms an opinion about himself. However, in modern society, this process is influenced by many environmental factors, for example, parents, friends, peers. It is from this that the possibility of the formation of low self-esteem comes. This often manifests itself in adulthood, but begins in childhood. It is noticeable in the following ways:
- pessimistic and negative attitude towards everything around;
- dependence on the assessment of the environment, fear of making a mistake, constant justification of one's own actions;
- dissatisfaction with oneself, constant criticism in one's direction, often undeserved or excessive;
- envy of the success of others.
There may be several reasons for this, and in order to understand how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence, it is first necessary to deal with the reasons. One of the most common is education. Any psychological difficulties of an adult originate at an early age, and with self-perception. In a family where parents constantly scold the child or compare him with others, on a subconscious level, the child develops uncertainty, passivity, lack of initiative.
Experiencing defeats and failures in childhood can also cause an inadequate attitude towards oneself if adults make a remark or ridicule instead of support. Even in the most innocuous cases, when the elders know that it takes a lot of effort, young children can give up trying to improve the result. In addition, if there are scandals between parents in the family, the child may consider himself guilty of these incidents, hence the lack of self-confidence, lack of desire to make decisions.
Any features of appearance or health can cause self-dislike if it falls under the ridicule of peers. If in childhood you received psychological trauma, for example, due to being overweight, this is a direct path to the formation of low self-esteem, which remains even in adulthood. Children are sometimes ruthless, and the opinion of the environment often plays an important role in self-perception.
Another of the most common reasons for negative attitudes towards oneself is an “unhealthy” environment. This is due to the fact that only where success is valued and the desire to achieve results, a person will strive for development. If relatives, friends or acquaintances do not show a desire to take the initiative, it is rather difficult to expect this from one taken person. Naturally, we are not talking about stopping communication with such individuals, one should only conclude that they are not the reason for dislike for oneself.
If a person has decided to make drastic changes in himself, then he should consider ways that will help increase self-esteem. Let's consider some of them.
Change of environment. The solution to the problem can be in changing the environment, because it is precisely negatively-minded individuals that can negatively influence an individual who doubts his abilities. If you include in your social circle those who have achieved some success, you can soon regain self-confidence, the desire to act, and self-respect.
Give up self-flagellation. To a common question: how to love yourself and increase self-esteem, a psychologist often recommends giving up self-flagellation. This is due to the fact that the expression of negativity towards oneself and constant dissatisfaction with appearance, behavior, personal life or financial situation is hardly the basis for a normal perception of oneself as a person. It is necessary to practice positive judgments - they will lead to the goal.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Self-esteem of the individual, which needs to be increased, is, first of all, awareness of one's individuality and originality. If you constantly compare yourself with others, you will not achieve a positive result, because in any field of activity there will always be someone more successful or more talented. For comparisons, it is better to use yourself: what I was before, I became, I can become with a little effort.
Formulation and listening to affirmations- Another way offered by psychology, as an opportunity to increase self-esteem. In simple words - you need to come up with small verbal expressions that help increase self-confidence. If you do not know how to love yourself and increase self-esteem - formulate some affirmations and repeat them in the morning and before bed. You can even record on a voice recorder. You can talk to yourself in meditation. These can be phrases like "I can do everything I strive for", "I am happy and successful."
Get out of your comfort zone. To succeed, try stepping out of your own comfort zone. The desire to hide from difficulties is quite natural, however, for both a man and a woman, the psychologist’s advice on how to increase self-esteem and love yourself says the same thing: you need to do unusual things, for example, look the problem and fears in the eye. And this will also be a step towards its solution.
Attending psychological training- another way to become confident and increase self-esteem. For residents of large cities, this is not difficult. However, one should pay attention to the professionalism of a psychologist, because in order to achieve the necessary results, he must be an expert in his field, and not an impostor, of which, alas, there are quite a lot now. If there is no opportunity to attend such events, you can independently study the literature on this topic or watch special films.
Sport. The most popular and affordable method for improving self-esteem is sports. This way to increase self-esteem is good not only in terms of psychology, but also in terms of physical health. Regular workouts and exercises are the reason for a less critical attitude towards appearance and shape. In addition, during the performance of sports exercises, the body produces hormones of joy, which allows you to improve your well-being and get rid of excessive self-criticism.
Achievement diary. An achievement diary can help increase self-confidence for both a woman and a man. This way to increase self-esteem is recommended by many psychologists. These can be notes on your phone or computer, the best option is to have a notebook, because you can always re-read it at a convenient time. You need to write down several achievements for the past day. These don't have to be great accomplishments - a few good deeds are enough to make you feel proud and grateful to yourself.
With the question of how to love yourself and increase self-esteem, psychology recommends that men and women deal with it differently, because evaluating oneself for representatives of different sexes depends on various factors, and therefore requires a special solution. That is why it is important to understand well how to increase self-esteem for a woman, but as a man, and ways to increase it will be different.
The opinion of girls about themselves depends on many factors. Finding out that a representative of the weaker sex has low self-esteem is quite simple in her appearance, inability to accept compliments, and a tendency to constant self-criticism. To the question of how to increase a woman's self-esteem, psychology offers a number of decisive actions.
First of all, for any girl it is necessary to learn to accept herself as she is: with a figure, height, eye and hair color. It should be remembered that there are happy and beautiful people among both fat and thin people.
You should always find time to take care of yourself, because how to increase self-esteem for a woman who does not consider it necessary to take care of her body? Appearance is an important factor for the formation of the right attitude towards yourself. Only by loving yourself can you turn into a truly self-sufficient beauty.
Some effort should be made to get rid of the feeling of envy towards more successful people. Envy is a feeling that kills self-confidence, suppresses the desire for accomplishments. You should focus on the skills and talents that make you different as an individual. In order not to forget about your merits and accomplishments, get a special notebook in which you can enter all the achievements and successes. They don't have to be huge. A deliciously cooked dish, perfectly styled hair and similar “little things” that create you as a person will do.
Finding a decent circle of friends is another way to increase a woman's self-esteem and love herself. Those who constantly criticize you (most often, girlfriends) do not belong to a good environment that promotes a sense of self-sufficiency. They can cause a constant feeling of guilt for your “wrongness”. Do not try to please someone, because the one who is pleased with himself does not point out to others their shortcomings. The main thing is the ability to refuse excuses to others: learn to ask for forgiveness, but in no case make excuses.
Good advice on how to increase a girl’s self-esteem is not to be lazy, and to find a certain activity that brings not only benefits, but also pleasure from doing it - you will understand your own importance, stop wasting time worrying about trifles. It should be remembered that in order to please others, it is absolutely not worth trying to present yourself in the right light. Engage in self-development, read interesting literature, and you will turn into a pleasant conversationalist with whom successful people will strive to communicate.
The main rule is to become interesting for yourself. This requires introspection skills - think about the industries in which you are interesting to the environment, what are your strengths and what are your weaknesses. Knowing these points, you can avoid mistakes in communication, this is a good way to increase self-esteem.
Important for any girl is the ability to accept compliments. If you learn to respond adequately to them, you will soon feel how attractive and interesting you are. To do this, you can try to memorize a few standard phrases like: "That's very nice of you", "Thank you very much" - they will greatly simplify your perception of compliments.
To figure out as accurately as possible how to increase a woman's self-esteem, the advice of psychologists is invaluable. Read special literature, watch documentaries, attend trainings and seminars. You will not only understand the problem itself and how to solve it, but you will also develop as a person at the same time, absorbing new knowledge and gaining new experience.
How to increase self-esteem in a man
For men, the problem of low self-esteem is also quite common. Representatives of the stronger sex who have such a problem are not inclined to make decisions, cannot gain success in their favorite business, do not dare to contact the girl they like. The study of the question of how to increase a man's self-esteem should be carried out as quickly as possible, because due to the lack of self-esteem, many complexes can appear, which, subsequently, are much more difficult to deal with.
The advice of psychologists on how to increase self-esteem in men is quite diverse. First of all, you need to learn to think sensibly and not scold yourself for failures. Any oversight or mistake made requires correction, but not digging in yourself. Look for a way to fix the situation, not blame for what happened. For a man, it is necessary to train his body and mind, because this is the main key to success, both among the opposite sex, and to achieve goals. An externally and internally attractive young man is unlikely to develop an inferiority complex; this way to increase self-esteem works well in practice.
You should surround yourself with beautiful things - choose high-quality shoes and clothes, because the appearance not only attracts the attention of others, but also affects self-confidence.
An important skill is the ability not to compare yourself with others. Each of us is unique, with its own strengths and weaknesses, and even psychology will not tell you how to increase self-esteem and confidence for someone who does not understand their individuality. Make comparisons with the old self, but not with the success of others.
You should choose the right environment and it is better to exclude from the potential social circle those who are engaged in self-realization at your expense. Those who do not respect themselves and do not show the desire for personal accomplishments will not become friends for your self-esteem - they automatically “pull to the bottom”, instilling the habit of constant self-criticism and unwillingness to correct failures.
Learning to accept compliments should be not only for girls, but also for guys. If praise is expressed, then you deserve it, and this is another reason to increase self-confidence. It is important to do something meaningful and useful that will bring not only benefit to others, but also pleasure to you. Learn to focus on successes, not failures, and constantly strive to multiply them. From the realization of one's own importance, self-esteem will increase significantly.
These ways to boost self-esteem should work. If you can’t cope with low self-esteem or complexes on your own, read the literature on this issue, watch the special films that are presented below. If possible, you can attend psychological trainings or contact a psychologist personally, he will help not only in word, but also in deed. Problems with self-esteem always begin long before they are discovered and recognized, which means that it will take some time to raise it.
How to raise self-esteem as a teenager
Low self-esteem in adolescence is quite common, and if you change it in a timely manner, in the future a person will be successful and happy. Experts offer several methods on how to increase a teenager's self-esteem. The first of these is based on creating a reason for pride. First you need to understand that your self-esteem should come not from appearance, but from skills, achievements, experience. In order not to suffer from complexes, you can independently create reasons for pride in yourself. Do what brings you pleasure: achieving academic success, being able to play an instrument, being able to travel, studying art or playing sports - what makes you unique, special.
A great way to build self-esteem is to take on some responsibility, which works great for teenagers. Depending on your age, abilities and desire, you can find a job for yourself, volunteer, or simply help your peers or younger in what you are strong in. This will allow you to realize personal significance and, perhaps, find your calling.
In order to feel like a complete person, it is important to engage in the development of individuality, which is the second method of increasing self-esteem in adolescents. First of all, remember that you should do what you like yourself, regardless of the opinions of others. This does not apply to the advice of parents - due to your age, you still have to listen to them. It's not about drastic changes. It is enough to attend a circle that gives you pleasure, to do good things not only for yourself, but also for others.
An important basis for high self-esteem is the development of your own style. Remember that you are not like someone else, be yourself. Wear clothes that suit your personal taste, listen to your favorite music, attend events that you enjoy, hang out with likeable people - this is where personality comes into play and this is an effective way to boost self-esteem.
It is also worth exploring your passions: someone likes to sing, someone likes to draw, someone knits or embroiders. You are special, which means you should do what you like, regardless of the opinions of your peers.
Social circle plays an important role in the formation of self-esteem. Try to limit contact with those who make fun of you or who do not understand you. Communication with those who do not show a desire for self-realization will not work - they will "pull you to the bottom." Suitable friends are those with whom your goals in life converge, or at least those who are able to support your choice. Don't be afraid to express your own opinion. This is an important skill that contributes to becoming in society.
It is quite important to get rid of the negativity that destroys the inner world. Communicate only with people who are pleasant for you, learn how to correctly evaluate your own actions. At the same time, the emphasis should not be on self-criticism, but on the desire to correct the situation, to achieve greater success. It is also necessary to forget about the concept of "ideal", because no one is perfect, and each person is special in his own way. Remember that if you constantly try to make something perfect, you may never finish what you started.
Self-Esteem Books and Movies
Many factors contribute to self-development and self-esteem. It is important to detect the problem in time and find a solution. Special literature or films can help increase self-esteem. To learn how to increase self-esteem, psychologists recommend not only trying to solve this problem on your own, but also attending special trainings and doing self-development.
In order to achieve this goal, experts recommend watching films that increase self-esteem. The most popular options are:
- "October sky";
- "10 steps to success";
- "Character";
- "Good year";
- "Billy Elliot".
Psychologists offer books that increase self-esteem. Among them:
- Joseph Hallinan "Why We Fall Wrong";
- Richard O'Connor "The Psychology of Bad Habits";
- Martin Seligman, Path to Prosperity;
- Alice Muir "Self Confidence";
- Ken Robinson "Vocation".
The presented ways to increase self-esteem and practical advice will help in a rather difficult matter, the main thing is to set a goal and go towards it no matter what.